


Spoon Bender Chic

by sonicsora



Category: Brütal Legend, Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Best Friends, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Milla casually trolling Sasha, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 06:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16258541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicsora/pseuds/sonicsora
Summary: Milla oh so helpfully brings Sasha a copy of Spoon Benders Chic to enlighten him of their apparent secret marriage to one another. Sasha isnotamused.Being a world famous Psychonaut means you get written about in trashy magazines quite a bit. Whether its true or not is always up in the air.





	Spoon Bender Chic

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a friend on a whim. Everyone is gay as fuck here, so eyyy. Sasha and Milla are redonkolous bffs. Milla has to show Sasha the worst of the worst when it comes to magazines speculating about their lives.

His gaze dropped onto the magazine placed practically in his lap, before drifting back upwards to Milla’s impish expression. The Brazilian woman moved to settle down in the armchair across from Sasha, leaning forward. Her elbows are settled on her own knees, chin propped up in her hands. Her eyes are bright and cheery in a way some primal part of Sasha understands and _fears_.

“Should I be afraid?” He questioned dryly, “Your silence and excitement is rarely a combination I’m comfortable with.” 

“Darling.” She reached out to touch Sasha’s knee. “Please.” 

“That answers my question, I should be fearful.” He deadpanned back, gently swatting her gloved hand off of his knee. He picks up the magazine, realizing Milla has bookmarked a few pages. He squints at her from behind his sunglasses. He also realizes this is a copy of Spoon Benders Chic. 

“Oh no.” 

“Oh, _oh yes_.” Milla is barely surpassing a laugh. Her utter delight makes Sasha consider just throwing the magazine in the trash. He could save himself so much trouble by simply doing that, but his own curiosity makes him actually pick the damnable thing up. 

“Mein Gott.” He flips open to the marked pages, groaning a little when he comes upon the headline of the piece. The man mutters unhappily in German as he speed reads the paragraphs Milla has highlighted. Sasha craves death with each word. This is the straightest thing he's read in years and he hates it. 

“Who wrote this?” 

Milla reaches over, pressing a finger against the writer's name. 

“Of course, of course, it's Stacy Whytebrud.” 

Stacy Whytebrud had been speculating about their love lives for years and seemed intent on doing so regardless of anything either psychic said. Sasha occasionally wished she'd find someone else to fixate upon. It would make his life much easier.

“So, darling.” Milla tilts her head, smile bright, she fluttered her lashes at him. “How does it feel to be secretly married?” 

“Horrible.” He flipped to the next page, gaze drawn to the marked out words. Milla had taken time to underline and highlight the worst parts she knew would make Sasha's eye twitch. Her wish was coming true given his right eye was already starting to twitch behind his sunglasses. “My ‘wife’ is tormenting me with _this_.” 

“It’s part of my wifely duties, dear. What else can I do when we have to deny our love publicly?” Sasha looked up in time to see Milla press the back of her hand against her forehead in a mock swoon. Her amusement was ruining the intended effect. 

“Life is a cruel and unusual thing, Agent Vodello.” He dryly stated back, he snapped the magazine shut. “Should we wager when they’ll be taking bets on when they’ll be zooming in dramatically on your midsection wagering if you’re pregnant?” 

Milla’s smile curled into a smirk as she somehow materialized another magazine to drop on the coffee table between them. The front cover had a picture of Milla in a billowy dress, followed by a dramatic zoomed in picture circling her belly. The bright red text proclaimed **_THE SECRET CHILD OF SASHA NEIN!?_** in all bolded caps. 

“…” 

“I wonder how we’re going to explain our mysterious love child to our spouses.” She stated with a light laugh, “I don’t think Ophelia would take it well. How ever will we tell them?” 

“Given you lack a certain attribute I enjoy in partners, I’m sure Eddie will be unconvinced.” 

“Darling, that is the nicest way you could call yourself a pillow queen-“ Milla was cut off by Sasha swatting at her knee with a disapproving “Ach!”


End file.
